How losing weight has helped me to discover LOVE!

By Audrey Matz-Pasierb

So, the question that followed my last blog post was: "How has all of this improved my relationship with Bill or my mental health?"  I had to think long and hard about that.  You see, even at my heaviest, Bill, my husband, loved me unconditionally. What I have come to realize is that it was ME that didn’t love ME.  He never failed to tell me how beautiful I was, or remind me how intelligent I was, or show me that I mattered to him, to my kids, to my family and friends, or to my students.  He encouraged me by doing and showing me what was important to him.

As I passed the half-century mark not too long ago, reality set in as I watched my own children, who are now grown, begin to depart on paths of their own.  As they begin their careers, enter into new relationships, and live life as young adults I realized that when Bill said he "wanted to grow old” with me,  growing old was approaching faster than I had realized.  I knew that I was going to need his help in order to succeed in my lifestyle change.  I was going to need to rely on him to celebrate wins with me and to encourage me through the stumbles.  

ANYthing I want to do that is an improvement to my health is 1000% supported by Bill!  I love when he is with me on my walks, bicycle rides, trips to the gym, or 5Ks.  I love that he willingly goes to the grocery store with me and helps to plan healthy meals.   I love how he supports my healthy lifestyle…no…how he ENCOURAGES my healthy lifestyle!!  

But to answer the original question, Has our relationship changed?  I actually had to ask Bill that question.  While we both agree that we have a great relationship, he said that what he likes most now is that we are spending more time together.  And really, what relationship couldn’t stand a little more together-time??

Now, about the mental health.  Depression sucks!  It really does.  Depression is like a little voice constantly reminding you that you are worthless, even though you're not worthless.  It tries to convince you you're ugly, fat, no one cares…and the more you listen to those voices, the deeper you fall in.  Clothes don’t fit, you lack energy, you become bored because you don’t want to do anything, and because you’re bored you eat…crap.  And because you eat crap, you have less energy to do anything, then your clothes don’t fit…Ok, so it’s a vicious cycle.  

 So, I tried dieting before (Weight Watchers, SlimFast, Diet Center, etc) but they never worked for me.  That’s what I always said…DIETING never worked for me!  I always been told and expected that DIEting would do something for me.  Well, guess what?  I had it all wrong!  It’s not supposed to do something for me, I had to do something for it to work! They never told me that!!!  First of all, I don’t ever say I’m on a diet.  Why?  Those first three letters…D. I. E.  And maybe that’s why it didn’t work for me.  I wasn’t ready to die!  So what, then, if not diet?  Well, in April of 2012, I realized that I needed to do the opposite of DIEt and turn to a LIFEstyle that was suitable for living!  

I’m a Christian.  And I believe that my body ultimately belongs to God.  And I realized that I was not honoring Him by the way I was treating it.  I wanted a LIFE that was going to honor Him and that meant, first and foremost, I had to change my LIFEstyle.  One of the very first things I did was promise myself that I’d eat breakfast every day (yes, I was a devout breakfast-skipper).  I went so far as to set the alarm on my phone to go off so I would remind myself to eat breakfast.  After that came healthy snacking, again utilizing the alarm on my phone to remind me.  Then came the walks, short at first, but at least three times per week.  

Eventually, things got easier.  I was eating breakfasts, making healthy, mindful snacks, preparing nutrient rich meals, walking, bike riding, and enjoying being outdoors!  Eventually, I noticed that the sun seemed to shine brighter!  I felt a bounce in my step, I was holding my tummy in as I walked – faster and further.  I smiled more and complained less.  People started asking if there was “less of me”…(haha, yes, a few people did in that particular way).  I even got to start buying clothes in a smaller size!!!

Do I stumble?  Heck yeah.  Do I beat myself up?  More than I should.  It’s human nature, but I am always mindful of where I never want to be again.  And I love to remind myself that I have a husband, a health partner, who loves less of me while we spend more healthy-time together.

No More Excuses Means a "Health Partnership" & a Better Marriage

By Audrey Matz-Pasierb

When I was asked by Doc Russ and Karen to write a blog post about how my relationship with my husband has changed since taking control of my lifestyle, I was pretty sure that I’d only be able to write a short paragraph. But once I began to think about it, I realized that a little background was important to understand those changes.

I’ve been married to Bill for 12 years. When we married he was a martial arts instructor who owned his own school, ran marathons, biathlons, triathlons, and loved bike races. He also ate very healthy. On the other hand, I had two young children and lived life on the go as I was doing undergraduate coursework while working full time. Health, exercise, and nutrition was not in my vocabulary.

Ultimately, I graduated with both my Bachelor and Master Degrees and began a stressful job teaching in a multi-aged classroom. There was not much free time between the long hours in the school, lesson planning at home, and running the kids to school for practices, rehearsals, games or concerts. A few years into our marriage I suffered some physical and mental health issues which led to a pretty large weight gain. Fortunately, I have the most loving and supportive husband a wife could ever ask for. Throughout the months and years following my health concerns, he was right beside me to pick up the slack where it was needed. He displayed love in its purest form.

Throughout many of those “unhealthy” years, he would voice his concern to me. “Hun, I want to grow old with you. I want to travel and do fun things, but I can’t do that with you if you don’t take care of yourself.” All the while, he’d take off for an hour or so for a bike ride or go for a run. He never once allowed me hold him back from his exercise. On beautiful spring or fall days, we’d go for a ride in the car and he’d pull over and ask if I wanted to walk through the woods or on the beach. I’d say no, and give him and excuse that I was tired, wasn’t wearing the right shoes, my back hurt, had a headache….

He never gave up on me but always gently he nudged me. He’d ask, I’d decline, yet he still loved me. Until one day, I made up my mind that I was ready to get healthy. It was a decision I made completely on my own, but when I told Bill, he told me that I had his complete support. Slowly I made changes in the way I planned meals, in the way I did our food shopping, I began reading articles, joined a couple of websites to help manage calories and exercise.

Then one day he asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I shocked him with “Yes” and put on my sneakers. We walked maybe 100 yards, when I told him that my back hurt and wanted to go home. He agreed. Over time, we’d walk further and began walking faster. Never once did he push me to go further or faster, but when I suggested he agreed. He always stayed with me and walked beside me, no matter how slow or fast I went. That began in May of 2012.

In the summer of 2012, I told him that I wanted to walk a 5K. He encouraged me to do it, helped me to “train” for it. Now remember, he’d done plenty of 5-or 10K’s before we were married. He did a few after we married as well…but slowly he’d gotten out of it, so he was pretty pumped that now I wanted to do this. On September 15, 2012 we did our first 5K together. I was pretty sure that he wanted to take off and run, but he walked beside me the entire way! When the finish line was in sight, we ran across…only he let me cross first!!

As we entered the fall and winter season, we did two more 5K’s and are already talking about the upcoming season. My goal is to do at least one 5K a month from May through November. Even better, is that when he asked what I wanted for Christmas this past year , I told him that I wanted new walking sneakers, a heart rate monitor, and some cold weather gear. He couldn’t believe that I actually asked for only gear for exercise!! He was more than happy to fulfill my requests!!

Bill is my biggest cheerleader! He’s my best supporter! He’s the motivator when I’m doing great or when things aren’t going as planned. He reminds me of the successes I’ve made and helps me to focus on what needs to be changed. But I’ve learned that the best part of living a healthy lifestyle is that I get to do all of these things with my partner in health!