We can agree to disagree

by Bethany Butler

“Bullsheet. I wanna win” says the kid in me.

That’s not right. No no. Oh no. That is not ‘proper’ dialogue for a soon-to-be Mrs. I am to think, speak, and most certainly, act in all fairness, when it comes to matters of the heart. “Heart” defined here as my soon-to-be husband.

Hold on. I need a moment: “Hu…hus…baaaand” Oh.my.gosh. Deep breaths. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale, repeatedly, for the rest of your life, in sickness and health, for better or worse, richer or poo–

Okay, got it.

So, I’m getting married….soon (gulp). Shouldn’t I, an engaged person, be getting it by now? “It” as in knowing the language of love extends beyond me.  Though “me” may be part of the equation, “love thyself”, it’s not the end-all;  safe to say, “thy neighbor” wants some love too, yes?  Aha, so the “M” is interchangeable, and may be easily flipped to serve as a “W”.  Love feels as this energy you want to bathe yourself in, and suggest those nearest and dearest to you that they, too, soak and ‘be taken away’ with this bubbly feeling because “you’ll feel so much better once you do”.

Still, the kid in me wants my own bath. “Why do I have to share? There’s no room! It’s not faaaaaaaaair!!!!” The feelings surrounding “yes, I won” indicate success and victory. I wanna win, all the time. But is it “winning” when the person I love with all my heart “loses”? I don’t think so. I certainly don’t feel so.

How may WE both win? Is love really a battlefield? There is push and pull. Both sides have their vision (victory), and I can imagine are well-equipped with strategies  to see this vision realized.  Time is of the essence and should be put to wise use. Otherwise, we’ll soon exhaust ourselves in this game of Tug of War. Plus, “I just want to move on already! I’m tired.”

Nonetheless, there is one rope we are holding onto. This force between us–literally, the rope–keeps us connected, and interestingly enough, we are holding onto it with everything we’ve got. He’s pulling this way, while I’m pulling that way, and keep in mind: I wanna win (as I’m sure he does too).  But we’re playing the game together.  He’s not letting go; I’m not letting go, and there lies the agreement amongst our push and pulls. Ultimately, we’ll get tired and call for a “time out!” to regroup, review our past approach to pinpoint what’s not working, and thus rethink our strategies.

So again, how may WE both win? I haven’t a clue, really. But we allow one another to see victory (no need to encourage defeat), explore his/her approach (allowing due time for clarity of views), and act accordingly (push/pull). Perhaps, we win as a couple, free to share our individual ideas and views. Perhaps we win because we’re holding onto this force–metaphorically, love–with all we’ve got. Perhaps the fact that we continue to play is the victory, his and mine, itself.

Nonetheless, I wanna win next round 


Bethany Butler is a graduate of The Natural Gourmet Institute for Health and Culinary Arts in New York City. Her aim is to help change the Standard American Diet into one that is largely whole foods plant-based. As a certified health and nutrition coach, she promotes nutrient dense foods as fuel for us to lead our best lives.” I strongly believe that food carries energetic vibrations, and it is essential that we make the better choice in our consumption in maintaining overall health and wellness.” She has conducted healthy eating culinary classes for private chefs, cooked for CEOs and clients reversing chronic illnesses. Her primary aim in working with all clients is to cook for health!

Bethany served as the Lead Educator to two of the five Wellness Clubs founded by nutrition experts Jeff Novick MS RD, Dr. Matthew Lederman and Dr. Alona Pulde (the two doctors featured in the “Forks Over Knives” documentary). She has presented nutritional lectures before American Express, New York Stock Exchange, Moody’s Corporation, Hot 97, and Whole Foods Markets Mid-Atlantic Leadership Conference, to name a few. With her team, she has helped members to lose weight effortlessly, reverse diabetes, come off certain medications, lower their cholesterol, and ultimately reclaim their health.  She has appeared as a nutrition expert on "Emeril's Table" and works one-on-one with clients in helping them reach both their diet and lifestyle goals.  Most recently she joined the "I Love You to Health" team (www.iloveyoutohealth.com), helping couples, families and communities live healthier, happier, longer lives...together! Up next is her nutrition internship with the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine in Washington, D.C. beginning June 2013.

As an actress, Bethany has appeared in commercials, soaps, prime-time drama and Broadway. A graduate of New York University, Tisch School of the Arts and coached by some of New York City's finest acting teachers of the Method technique, she has been encouraged by her teachers to take up coaching herself. Her acting experience has allowed her many opportunities of public speaking and working with award-winning celebrities as Mariska Hargitay, James Earl Jones, Joan Cusack, Phylicia Rashad, and many others. 

Bethany is committed to her regular yoga practice. Yoga continues to serve as her lifetime workout but also as a means of personal growth—spiritually, mentally, emotionally. When she is not actively pursuing her nutrition studies, you can find her in a yoga class!